Using Punishment Versus Discipline with Children

Punishment and discipline represent two very different beliefs about how to best respond to children's misbehavior. Punishment involves shame, blame and pain. Parents punish their children using things like spanking, yelling, grounding and taking things away.

Discipline focuses on how the child's behavior has affected themselves and others. Parents discipline their children by using things like having them clean up messes, repair broken items, write apology notes or find better solutions to problems.

Differences Between Punishment and Discipline

Punishment: Child experiences suffering, pain or loss as retribution for their behavior
Discipline: Child experiences natural or logical consequences as a result of behavior

Punishment: Belief that more severe punishment will make it less likely for the behavior to occur again
Discipline: What matters is the certainty, not the severity, of the consequence

Punishment: Remains the same no matter what the offense
Discipline: Determined based on how to best make amends for the mistake

Punishment: Comes from outside the child
Discipline: Eventually comes from inside the child

Punishment: Children learn to fear and resent authority
Discipline: Children learn to take responsibility for their choices

Priceless Parenting focuses on using discipline for misbehavior with the goal to help children learn from their mistakes. This discipline will eventually come from inside the child so that when you’re not around they are still making good choices.

If you want to learn more about how to use discipline with your children, check out our online parenting classes.